No Remorse Holds No Recourse
by joelcoxriley
Summary: Well, you know a man has a shitty day when he dies one minute, and wakes up the next to a bunch of giant, ugly iguanas with wings. It doesn't help that their colors hurt my damn eyes either. Great. Just my luck...always knew my mouth would get me killed... Warning: Extreme use of language.
1. Chapter 1

**Hi, guys! This is more of an experiment, but I have a basic idea. Warning: EXTREME usage of language.**

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Great! Yeah, real great. Just what I fuckin' needed. In case you couldn't tell, that was fuckin' sarcasm. You know some sorry fuck like me is having a shitty day when yer goin' about your own business, going on a high up fancy assed mission while the lazy bastard that sent ya sits on his ass like he's the high-tom-tity of the whole motherfucking world-when he ain't. Really, that scumbag is more like a pimple on the ass of the world that the world just can't seem to reach around to pop...so he's always there, with my sorry hide not bein' able to do nothin' about it. But...I got off track.

As I was sayin', you know some guy like yours truly is having a bad day when you and yer team get their cover blown in the middle of hostile fuckin' territory. Tangos! Tangos everywhere you fuckin' look-shootin' at ya and shit when you have cement explodin' all 'round ya and you can't even get a shot off 'cause you're running for your life. And then there came the mortar fire. Noisy shit right there that mortar fire. You could hear it, screamin' through the air, and hope that it didn't hit you or anywhere near you 'cause then shit explodes. And shrapnel is not fun. Got hit a few times in the ol' arm and leg, but can't complain much. Least I ain't dead like that sorry bastard that got hit in the neck. Like, I felt sorry for the bastard and all...okay, I lied, I really didn't. I was just glad it wasn't me. But daaaaamn, man! All that blood that squirted out of 'im! I didn't think a man could bleed that much. Course, I bled a lot before I died, too...so, I shouldn't talk.

Ya know what I don't get? How people always talk 'bout there bein' a heaven and shit. I mean, yeah, I used to believe, but I don't now. Course, I stopped believing way before I kicked the bucket, cause really, I'm not the best guy to be around, I admit. And I will also admit that I fuckin' love my job. Shooting some candyass dead, gutting 'im with my combat knife, shootin' anyone who crosses the fuckin' line that no one's supposed to cross. Man, I love fighting. Don't matter what I do: firefights, knife fights, fist fights...I just love to fight. Get that adrenaline pumpin' and shit. I suppose I'm not good at doin' anything else. I sure as hell know I ain't smart enough to find the cure for cancer or anything-even though I remember I was lookin' at colleges when I was younger...thinkin' 'bout maybe goin' into bible study. But then I got fuckin' drafted-and let me tell you, I was a fuckin' pussy. I was so fuckin' pussywhipped I was afraid to pull that little trigger on a little 3mm to make it go bang. And my Platoon Sergeant was NOT happy.

In time, I was whipped into shape, kicked ass, rose up the ranks, and somewhere along the line developed Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. As I admitted, I am not the best guy in the world. In fact, I know more people who would gladly call me an asshole, a neonazi, a babykiller, a soulless bastard, a psychopath, and a bunch of other shit I don't really care about. And it's all fuckin' true, so I wouldn't waste my breath tryin' to defend myself...cause I really have nothing to defend. I piss so many people off just by saying a single sentence even when I don't mean too. No filter of any kind, I'm told. That's what led to gettin' into fights a lot, but I don't mind. I find it fun to piss people off. But I should have known I would always die in a fight. Just my fuckin' luck, eh?

Either way, remember about the mortar fire? Well, me and my squad see, we took cover in a building-and it was fallin' to shit. But another squad was making their way in-tangos-and we tried to hold them off, but I was so trigger happy I used up my last mag like it was nothing. And that led to the knife fight. I would have won-if that fucking shitty building hadn't got hit with fucking stupid ass morar fire. The building shook, and I tripped backwards on a piece of debris, and major candyass there fell on top of me during the fight-and drove his fuckin knife into my heart.

I wasn't sure what happened at first, but I felt pain, like I couldn't breathe, and that fuckshit of a kid was just lookin' at me, wide eyed and shit. Like he had no idea what would fuckin' happen if you stabbed someone, and he got as pale as a piece of shit paper. In truth, I think I was his first kill. I was like that with the first man I killed. Funny how the more a man kills, the less moral he becomes. At first, I only killed men. Then I figured if I killed men, I sure as hell could kill women. So I did, and then it came to kids. I was the standard grunt that was the bitch to a more fancy looking suit that knew how to con people into anything. Just point me to the objective, and I kill anyone who gets in the way to complete the mission. As I got older, I didn't even bat a fuckin' eye. Never gave it a second thought. Hell, I LAUGHED as I unloaded a whole magazine on some bastard in front of his wife and kid. Then gave them each lead between the eyes with a pistol-partly out of orders, partly because I knew I could get away with it. I guess anyone other than me would have done it the other way around. More moral. But the truth is, I don't give a flying fuck-nor do I regret any of my damn actions, and I'm pretty sure than makes me worse than anyone labeled "public enemy number one."

So, I died-and I guess that was a favor for the world. At least not for my superior-fancy suited bastard. But I saw no glimpses of some paradise with angles thinking they're the best damned things in the world, or some old fat fuck sitting on his lazy ass in some fancy throne or those pearly gates. All I fuckin' saw was black shit-like nothing at all. Like I didn't SEE it, but I FELT it, which caused me to SEE it even though I was dead. And then a shity swirl of lights-which I guess were souls. And then a loud bam. Don't know what the bam was, but...I started hearing voices. Then I woke the fuck up to bunch of fuckin' ugly iguanas with wings starin' at me.

All I could do was stare at them as they started fanning over me like I was the best thing since sliced fuckin' bread, with dumb assed looks on their faces. I couldn't talk, even though I tried to-and I couldn't even move-like my coordination went to shit. I didn't even know where the fuck I was-if I was alive, dead, somewhere in between, just high as all hell, or in a really shitty dream. I couldn't understand them much either-like they were talkin' too fast, and then I noticed the color of their scales, and the bright, gay colors hurt my damned eyes. There were three of them, I think. Two or three, but I only really remember one, since it was up in my damned face.

One was a skinny, little thing, like one of those coke whores on cocaine who go into prostitution for money to buy the coke. It had a woman's tone of voice, so it was actually a she. She was white, and had a dark grey...or light black stomach. Not sure why, but her eyes fuckin' annoyed me, because she was crying and nugding my head over and over and over. I wanted to tell her to fuck off and that I didn't like being touched by something so hideous, but I couldn't. I still couldn't understand what the hell she was sobbing about. Dumb bitch.

I heard two other voices talking, and could only make out bits and pieces of their conversation-which wasn't much, really. I couldn't see them too well since Cream Puff was still my face, crying and trying to hug me or something or whatever she was trying to do. She kept crying, sometimes softly, sometimes in those obnoxious gasps when you couldn't really breathe but tried to anyway just for the sake of crying some more when you couldn't.

She kept on crying, muttering something over and over, and it took a while before I made out the name "Helix", which the bimbo was saying constantly. I didn't know who the hell this Helix was, and I couldn't ask yet-or even move, like I was a fucking stupid mushroom. Alive, but unable to move or talk. She said "Helix" again, and again, and it took me awhile to even realize that Cream Puff was actually calling me this Helix. She thought I was this Helix? I sure as hell ain't nothing like these stupid iguanas with bat wings, so how the hell could she call me Helix? My name isn't even fucking Helix! Maybe Cream Puff will have some answers whenever I get the ability to talk again. I told ya, ya die one second and then the other second you wake up and have some iguana crying in your face and calling you Helix. Well joke's on her, cause I'm calling her Cream Puff...days like this suck.

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**Not sure what you guys think, but if you want another chapter let me know. So far I own every character here. Thank you for reading!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, guys! Here's the next chapter.  
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I tried to speak, I really did, but I couldn't say a damn word. It was pissing me off the more I tried, and Cream Puff was still crying on my fuckin' face. Dumb bitch. Gettin' snot on me n' shit.

The more I tried to speak, the more I made those pathetic little squeaks people make when they can't breathe, ya know? Makes 'em sound like rats. I fuckin' hate rats. But either way, I think the noise made Cream Puff realize I was tryin' to talk, 'cause she finally gave me space and backed off, her stupid blue eyes wide like a deer about to get slammed by an eighteen wheeler.

"Oh, my...!" Cream Puff gasped, sounding like she couldn't breathe or somethin' as she turned towards others-I think the two others with her...or one. Not sure.

"Solaether! Solaether! He is trying to speak!" Cream Puff called, another ugly assed iguana walking over-well, more like running and tripping, but you get my drift. I guess this one was...Soleth...Solacker...ah, fuck it, I'm calling him Candy Ass. I hope none of these damn things had any more complicated names. I'll be inventing all different kinds of nicknames for these scaly bastards!

Either way, Major Candy Ass here...well...looked like a pussy. I could tell it was a guy, yet he seemed to have barely any physical build to him. And reminded me of a unicorn...for some odd, odd reason. All fairy like and shit with white scales all around...and a single horn on his head...that was yellow. Yup. A dragon definitely fucked a unicorn to make this bitch. Thing even had no wings. At least Cream Puff had wings.

The two stared at me, peering down as if they were waiting for some kind of miracle to happen, and their staring was pissing me off even more. I tried to speak, I truly did, but all that came out was fuckin' squeaks. Damn rats.

"...nn...nngh..."

"Yes? Yes, come on, Helix. You can do it!" Cream Puff encouraged me, Candy Ass looking from me to Cream Puff, me to Cream Puff, me to Cream Puff...before settling on me.

"I can't believe the magic of the Ancestors was a success! Never before had a dragon been brought back to life!" Candy Ass spoke, whom I assume was the one that did something...but...why did they say a dragon? I'll worry about that once I can speak.

"Ngh...wh...wha..." I tried, the pair leaning in closer, as if I was some fuckin old fuck on a death bed saying whatever bullshit they had to say before kicking the bucket. I paused, trying to collect myself and focus on breathing, licking my lips and...wait...I felt scales. Motherfucking scales! Fuckin' a! I'm an iguana with bat fuckin' wings!

I twitched, part in a new awareness, part in start, and suddenly felt parts of my body that I never had felt before. I felt something on my shoulders, almost...like an extra pair of giant monkey hands...and I think I had a tail. Or whatever it was that was spasming 'n shit. I actually took time to look at the ceiling, feeling myself in an actual bed before looking at my hands...or where they should be. I didn't see any hands. I saw fuckin' claws. Black. Motherfucking. Claws. And scales.

At this, I scrambled out of bed, Cream Puff and Candy Ass startled as I tried to use my hind legs, but fell face first on the floor. I heard Cream Puff cry, and try to help me up, but I shook the bimbo off and tried to rise on my hind legs again, falling down. In a mad rush, I crawled on all fours, finding it odd that everything was much taller than normal. I caught a glimpse of a wing, and then proceeded to spin around in a circle to get a better look, wings flapping like crazy. It was so fuckin' weird. The wings were black, and as you got towards the webbing-like a bat's wing, the black faded and turned white.

Either way, Cream Puff and Candy Ass were freaking out cause I was freaking out and probably thought I was a fuckin' nut job-cause I was. And I was knocking over all the furniture tryin' to see myself and control my body, and I tripped over my own tail a few times-which I had no fuckin' idea how to control.

I heard Cream Puff crying and telling me to stop, but I couldn't. I didn't want to. I didn't even know what the fuck was going on. In time, I found a fuckin' mirror and lifted myself to it's level, completely stilling at what I saw.

A fuckin' ugly ass iguana was starin' at me, but that ugly assed motherfucker was me! The only thing I could find the same about me was the eyes-which were a stormy grey...mainly grey. And black scales for my black hair...but full bodied black scales? I then noticed my chest, which was a deep scarlet. I have no idea why, but it looks like I retained my physical fitness from when I was human: lean, motherfucker. That's how shit rolls here. I never wanted to be a fuckin' 'roid monkey. Had a pretty gaunt face too...at least that stayed...I wonder if my dick changed?

I paused to look between my legs, and I was fuckin' scared to see nothing there! NOTHING! It's like I didn't have a dick or balls! Like I was castrated and had nothing that made me a man...but then I remembered reptiles like crocodiles kept their dicks inside...so that made me feel better. Hopefully mine were like that. If not I will flip shit and butcher the fucker that brought me here.

I then calmed some, looking once more in the mirror and actually realized the extent of my blackness. For me, that is not good...because I am not a nice person and what you would call racist, kids. It was then I noticed Cream Puff and Candy Ass starin' at me, as if they weren't sure what I would do.

I turned to them, feeling my anger boil, "The fuck ya'll lookin' at!?"

Cream Puff flinched-I guess from my tone-before regaining herself, "Helix! W...what's wr-"

"I ain't fuckin' Helix!" I snapped, cursing at I bit my own tongue on those sharp teeth, "Damn!"

Cream Puff stared at me, in shock before regaining her senses, "Helix...don't you remember?"

"I ain't fuckin' Helix, lady!" I hissed harshly, Candy Ass going over towards Cream Puff as she began to cry, draping a wing around her.

"There, there, Talana. I'm sure it's just a side effect from the ritual. Memory loss is a common side effect of many things..." Candy Ass tried to assure, Cream Puff shaking her head, "And is personality change a side effect too, Solaether? Helix never cursed!"

Well, at least Talana was an easier name to remember than...shit, what was it? Sola...something...Candy Ass. Still, what ritual were they talking about?

"What ritual?" I asked, the pair snapping their heads towards me, "What happened?"

The pair paused, Talana gulping slightly, "Don't you remember? What happened before?"

"Bitch, do I sound like I fuckin' remember? Cause if I do I must have fuckin' amnesia or somethin'." I stated, sounding a bit more harsh than intended as Talana began to quietly sob once more.

"It didn't work, Solaether! That's not my Helix! That's not my Helix!" Talana sobbed loudly, Candy Ass looking at her, and I knew it was his fault I was fucking here in the first place.

"You." I hissed, approaching the uniguana-and I must have scared him...even with my gimpy fucking walk with this stupid body, 'cause he backed up, "What the hell did you do to me?!"

He looked at me, as if judging me before slowly speaking, "I...I tried to save a friend. Helix had a...rather rare cancer. Talana...she could not stand to see him die...so I tried to help. I looked through ancient scrolls, and found something I thought could help, or at least bring Helix back when he passed. But I see it did not work..."

"Wait...so I have fuckin' cancer?!" I asked, feeling my anger build as Candy Ass shook his head.

"Oh, Ancestors, no! When Helix...passed...I used ancient magic to purge his body and made it so that his soul could return. I tried to connect the link between the body and the soul to bring Helix back, but...that link much has been severed." Candy Ass replied, and I felt myself calm down that I wasn't going to die from cancer.

"So...who are you, really? Who are you that you are not my mate?" Talana asked, looking at me with watery eyes. I didn't really want to respond. For some reason, I hated when people knew my name...like they could one up me or somethin'. I don't know.

"Name's Joel. Sorry, Cream Puff."

"Cream Puff?" Talana asked, confused.

"You look like a cream puff, lady. That's the least vulgar thing I can call you. And no, I won't stop." I grinned, canines showing. Sometimes, I had fun just annoying people.

Talana appeared as if she were about to speak, but then a door opened, and a small, little lizard came running in, pure black with some red and white, and his blue eyes shined.

"Daddy!" The little pipsqueak yelled, running so fast he nearly tripped over himself, running to whoever the hell had that annoying lil' bastard as a kid...and then I realized Helix was that lil' bastard's baby daddy. 'Cause he came right over to me, and fuckin' hugged me.

"Lucien...baby, that's not..." Talana broke off as I stared at the little shit before me, twitching. I fuckin' hate kids. As I said...days like this fuckin' suck. I never should have gotten out of bed.

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**Isn't Joel the biggest douche bag ever? I actually forgot about him as a character for years until recently. Thank you for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I can't believe people are actually reading this and it is as popular as it is. Either way, I hope you enjoy and as always, beware the language!**

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"That….is not Daddy, honey." Talana murmured, the small dragon looking up at me, starin' with those huge fucking bug eyes that kids tend to have. I just stared at the lil' shit that wasn't even to my fuckin' elbows, and he was lookin' at me, as if tryin' to find out why I wasn't his baby daddy.

"Lucien…..Lucien, come here, baby." Talana cooed, her parasite looking towards his mother before lookin' at me. And then I saw it. I could practically feel the fuckin' waterworks start before they even began, and my body tensed as I saw his ugly assed bug eyes begin to water.

You see, this is why I hate fuckin kids. This is why I want nothing to do with them. All they do is eat ya out of yer fuckin' house, steal yer fuckin' money, shit, and fuckin' cry at the slightest thing that goes wrong like the whole fuckin' world revolves around them.

"Don't you cry, kid. Don't you dare fuckin' cry, you lil' piece of shit, cause if you do cry, I'll get a fuckin' migriane, and you will not like me when I get a fuckin' migriane." I hissed, the kid's black scales toning down a shade, the kid fighting with every fiber of his being not to fuckin' cry. And with that, Lucien backed away and went towards Talana, who told her kid everything was gonna be okay. Bitch, how the hell is everything going to be okay when I'm in a fuckin' lizard's body? It ain't!

Shaking myself, I started to walk-gimpily I might add-out of the bedroom.

"Hey! Where are you going?" I heard Talana snap, and I briefly turned around to look at the dumb bimbo before walking away, "You can't leave here!"

"I ain't fuckin' staying here." I growled, annoyed and agitated as I found the door, but found it difficult to open with my fuckin' stupid new body. Eventually I managed to open the damn door, reading to close it before giving my two cents, "Sorry for your fuckin' loss." Then I slammed the door. On my piece of shit tail that I forgot I had. Hard.

"AAAAHHHHHHHHH! Fuckingmotherfuckingcocksucker!" I screamed, breath hitching as I tried to free my tail, too fuckin' uncoordinated to open the door and free myself with this piece of shit body. After struggling, the door suddenly opened, and fell flat on my chest as I felt the throbbing pain in my tail. I slowly got up, shaking myself and trying to see if my tail was still there, but instead I saw Talana at the door, staring.

"Uhg...the fuck you lookin' at?" I asked, Cream Puff still staring, almost blankly.

"I heard you scream. Rather crudely." Talana stated, "I...think you should stay here. Where are you going to stay?"

"I ain't staying here. It ain't safe for yer kid to see a dead man walking. So to speak. I've dealt with 'im before. Never fuckin' ends well. And they usually want to eat my fuckin' face off."

"Oh…..well….you can always come here. Maybe Solaether can-"

"No. My body may be burned to high hell for all I know." I replied, shaking my head.

"Well…..still. If you need a place, just knock."

"Yeah…...thanks for the…..tail thing." I muttered, feeling my pride hurt as I began to walk away. I could hear Talana chuckle a bit-though it sounded like one of those fuckin' fake chuckles.

"Right. I won't tell a soul. Goodbye…...Joel. Take care of Helix." Talana replied, almost sounding sad. And I could see why.

"Yeah. Later, Cream Puff." I replied, going off into the darkness of what looked like a very dimly lit city. Like one of those cities in the Middle East. But less shitier.

Not sure where entirely to go, I walked some ways and noticed that there were two moons in the sky. I looked, but didn't give them any second thought other than it was strange as fuck. I wonder what universe this place is in?

Either way, I found a little alley that looked like it would be used for a coke deal, and decided to curl up and sleep in there. I slept in worse places, so I didn't really give a fuck.

Curling up, I tried getting comfortable, but found it hard because my new body was so fuckin' weird. It felt like my back was bending in unnatural ways n' shit. In time, I began to feel my eyes get heavy, though even though I didn't want to fuckin' go to sleep, I ended up fallin' the fuck asleep despite it being cold as shit out.

I woke up to the sounds of annoying high pitched screaming, like the sound a little bitch makes when shit doesn't go their way. Yawning, I got up and popped my joints, feeling my sore limbs as I shook myself. I felt a fuckin' mingrane coming on, and it was making me more grumpy than normal.

I went out into the street, the sun hurting my eyes as I looked down towards the ground, and almost slammed into a kid who was runnin' as fast as his lil' fuckin' lizard legs could carry him, a group of other dragons on his trail. With the sun hurting my eyes, it took me a few moments to realize it was Talana's lil' shit running for his life.

Lucien ran as fast as he could, going out of my sight with the odd posse after him. Lil' bastards. I wasn't sure what it was about, but I sure as hell wasn't goin' out of my way to help the lil' fucker.

I looked around and saw the civis walking around, seeing more and more fucked up iguanas with even more faggoty ass colors that hurt my eyes. And if it wasn't the dragons, it was the fuckin' cat looking pussies or the lil' fat fuck oompa loompas waddlin' around. Why were the inhabitants here so fuckin' strange?

My stomach growled, but I ignored it for now as I wandered into the marketplace, lookin' at all the piece of shit trinkets they sold and occasionally the food. I wandered the street until I hit a more shitty area, no doubt used for prostitution and drug deals. I took a few drugs in my time, but nothing as bad a heroine. Made quite a bit of money off of the deals though. And as far as prostitution, I only went to fuckin' strip clubs and had some bitch dance on me. I spent my money well, if I may say so.

"Helix?" I paused as I turned towards the voice, and saw a pathetic bag of bones cat. He was old, and looked like he had every STD known on the face of man-fucking-kind with his rags he wore, broken and yellow nails and bloodshot eyes.

"I ain't Helix. The fuck you want?" I asked, making sure the fleabag didn't get too close. He smelled like shit, and I didn't want to contract something if he went to scratch me.

"Do you have it? Please tell me you have it…"

"Do I look like I have any fuckin' drugs on me, asswipe? Oh, wait, let me get some! I forgot I stuck them up my fuckin' ass, you fuckball! Go 'way." I hissed, annoyed as the cat man started to slowly approach. I stood my ground, though eyed him warily.

"But….but you have to have it! You promised! Helix!" The scumcat cried, wrapping his arms around my leg in desperation, to which I roughly pulled away and swiped my talon across his face. The wretched cat fell to the ground, blood splatting in the general direction from the force of my smack, rather large gashes on the side of his face, a tooth lay in a pool of blood.

"Damn." I muttered, realizing I got blood on my claw, and began to wipe it against the ground in an attempt to clean my talons. The scumcat groaned, slowly getting up, "But...the drugs…"

"Tough titty!" I hissed, approaching the cat, "And if you get up I swear-I swear on my momma's tombstone that I will break your fuckin' neck! Do you understand me, dirt bag?" I asked, the cheetah looking cat nodding swiftly, shaking a bit-though from withdrawal or fear I couldn't tell ya.

"Good. And I ain't Helix." I replied, walking away into a nicer section of the city. It was safe to say I probably would never go into that shitted up section again. Course, I wondered if Cream Puff knew of her man's extracurricular activities. Probably not.

I returned once again to the market district, looking at the food stalls with money I didn't even have. By now I was hungry, but it wasn't like I would just be handed money. Worse case scenario, I could steal. Hmmmm…

"Hello! I haven't seen you around here before!" I jumped slightly at a rather high pitched voice, realizing I stopped right in front of a fuckin' floral arrangement stand. Fuckin' flowers, of all things. Well, at least they smelled good. Looking towards the voice, the color of the dragon hurt by damn eyes again. I swear I'm goin' to go fuckin' blind with all the stark contraction. And pink was far from a color I liked. Once my eyes adjusted, I could see the full coloration of the dragon. From the vocal tone, it was female...so she was largely pink with some splotches of red on her back towards the spine. But otherwise had a yellow stomach, yellow horns, pink wings and ivory talons. Pink! Fuckin' pink everywhere!

"Err...hi. Why the fuck you so pink? You'll make a damn man go blind!" I asked, the pink dragon flinching slightly-probably at my usage of language.

"Ummm, sorry. My color comes from my mom. I inherited this floral shop from her, too! I'm Ember, and my mom is Aurora! I usually know all my customers, but I've never seen you here. Are you looking for anything in particular?" Ember asked, her voice annoying me as she smiled brightly, blue eyes shining. Why was she so damned uppity?

"I ain't looking for flowers, really. Name's Joel." I replied, the pink dragon's eyes widening.

"Oh….oh, ummmm….."

"...Fuck! I didn't mean it like that, no! Hell no!" I choked, realizing that my previous statement sounded like a flirtation. I wasn't sure if the pink blob was more relieved or saddened, but in truth I didn't care.

"Oh, well….m...maybe I can point you to the direction of a specific stall you are looking for?"

"No thanks. I….I don't really have any money. Peace out." I replied, swiftly walking away. I felt like my cover was blown and that pink bimbo would be eyeing me the whole time as she waved, "Bye."

Deciding it best not to steal with so many weird fucks around, I thought maybe I should go back to Talana. She did say I was welcome back anytime, and who would reject free fuckin' food? At least, I hope it was good food.

Walking back towards Talana's house-or trying too, I happened to find Lucien. He appeared a bit bruised, but otherwise fine. I don't understand why he was named Lucien. He's more black than white.

He saw me, and I cursed to myself as he slowly approached, stopping besides me, "...I know you aren't my dad. Momma told me."

"Yeah…..sorry, kid. Why were you runnin' from those kids before?" I asked, remembering him running like a little bitch.

"Lightning and the others bully me. They try to steal my lunch." The kid replied, looking around, as if there were still watching.

"Why don't ya kick their asses?" I asked, wondering what kid didn't know how to fight. Course, I didn't entirely know how to fight either growin' up. I learned all that in the military.

"Dad never taught me. He would always run away from situations." Lucien replied, "But I wish I could show those bullies a thing or two."

"You wanna learn how to fight, kid?" I asked, his eyes going wide-like bug eyed wide.

"You would teach me?"

"Hell yeah. I'll show you how to kick a motherfucker's ass." I smirked. Damn did I love to fight.

"Wow. My dad would never do that. It's weird. I don't…..miss him. It's like he's here, but only you're him, and he's not you. You're too different even though you look the same."

"That a good or bad thing?"

"Good, I think." Lucien smiled, tail wagging like a damn dog, "You're cool, I think."

"Yeah? You ain't so bad yerself, kid. Alright, c'mon, ya lil' niglet. I'm fuckin' hungry, but afterwards I can show ya the basics." I replied, happy about the thought of an actual cooked meal, Lucien trying to keep up with my stride.

"Okay!...what's a niglet?" Lucien asked as I rolled my eyes.

"A lil' black thing. Like you. You're a lil' black fuckin' iguana."

"Hey! I'm not an iguana, I'm a dragon! And you're black too, so you're a niglet!" The kid reported, and I felt my blood pressure rise as I felt anger boil in the pit of my stomach. I. Was. Not. Black. Not as a human, and sure as hell not now.

"I ain't fuckin' black." I muttered, growling.

"Yes you are! You're scales are black! That's basic logic right there!"

"Shut the fuck up, kid!" I snapped, Lucien shrinking back and shivering, like a beat dog. He slowed down on his pace, but in time gained the courage to walk beside me once more.

"...are you a psychopath? Momma said I can't invite psychopaths over for dinner because they can kill us in our sleep and steal our money and burn down our house."

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**I can honestly see this thing as a crude comedy. Don't know why. But that you for reading, favoriting or following! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi, guys! Here's the next chapter. I still can't believe this is getting so much attention. It's way better than what I expected. Well, everyone has their tastes. Please enjoy.  
**

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I stayed quiet at the kid's comment. Was I a psychopath? Probably. I mean, I did fail the fuckin' mental health evaluation. Too fuckin' hot headed my ass. Course, the standard military is a bunch of pussies compared to the organization that took me in. Paid under the table, could do whatever the fuck I wanted, shoot whoever I wanted and no one fuckin' cared. Hell, not even the government fucked with us. We were so high up on the damned latter the fuckin' president had to look up at us. Biological warfare, you see. Scary shit right there.

"So you are a psychopath!" Lucien exclaimed, "Then you can't have supper with us!"

I paused, "The fuck you mean I can't? Cream Puff said I could."

"Mama also said no psychopaths over for dinner." The lil' shit looked at me, suddenly getting in my way, "And if Mama said no psychopaths and you're a psychopath then you can rob us, kill us, and burn our house down. So you ain't having supper with us."

I stared at the kid, not sure if I should laugh or just boot him out of the way. Why the fuck would I kill someone that's giving free food? Free fucking food! To me! It's a fuckin' Christmas miracle! But it ain't Christmas….do they even have Christmas here?

"Listen, lil' niglet: why the fuck would I kill someone who's giving me-ME-of all the sorry fucks out here free fucking food? Fuck, I'd murder a mother fucker if it meant free food!"

"Psychopath!"

"Shut the fuck up before I knock every single one of your goddamn baby teeth out of yer mouth! Anyway…..where was I? Oh, yeah, I'm tired of eatin' moldy fuckin' bread and canned beans that have no fuckin' taste! Damn, how hard is it to get a single well cooked meal around here? I haven't eaten a proper meal in three years and you're takin' that fuckin' well earned opportunity away from me? That's cold, bro. Just cold." I shook my head, Lucien frowning.

"Well….Mama always said to treat others how you would want to be treated. Course, that made me get bullied."

I rolled my eyes, moving past the kid as his posture changed to one of guilt. I think, anyway. The kid had no backbone to begin with.

"Oh, you know what? I almost forgot something." I muttered, suddenly remembering as Lucien's eyes lit up in that fuckin' annoying way with kids.

"What?"

My tail suddenly flicked the kid on his snout, Lucien producing one of those yappy yelps a lil' lap dog makes when you kick the lil' fucker for biting your shin.

"Help! I'm getting attacked by a psycho!"

"Shut the hell up! You fuckin' deserved that!" I hissed.

"What did I do?!" Lucien whaled, shaking, "You hit me! Oh, I think I'm bleeding!"

My eye twitched a bit. This kid was fuckin' pissing me off, "So you stand up to me but not those fuckin' faggot assed kids? What the fuck is wrong with you? And quit yer bitchin', I didn't even hit ya that hard!"

"But it hurts! I'm telling Mama!" I grimaced at the high pitch of his voice, cursing as I very well may have blown my chances of getting free food. Fuck no! I wasn't letting some kid ruin my chances of a hot meal!

I narrowed my eyes, lowering to his level, "Listen, kid, if you do anything to ruin my chances of getting food-and not only food, but free fuckin' food-I swear on my mama's tombstone that I will kick you so fuckin' hard in your lil' kiddie testicals that your ball-fuckin'-sack will be fused with your fuckin' pelvis! So what's it gonna be, sunshine? You either get down, or I lay you the fuck down." I asked, Lucien's eyes more white than anything. It looked like he was gonna cry too. Good.

"...I can call the guards on you and you'll get arrested for threatening a minor. And child endangerment."

I froze slightly, realizing the lil' shit did have a point…..but then again….how bad could jail be?

"And just why would they believe a lil' shit like you?" I asked, smirking slightly as I saw Lucien calm some.

"Uhhh...cause you're obviously a psychopath?"

"Shut the fuck up about me being a psychopath!" I hissed, feeling my blood boil in rage as Lucien winced, then gave a look like I was fuckin' stupid.

"You're the one threatening me over food! What does that say about you?"

"That I'm fuckin' hungry, you lil' piece of shit! Take me back to your damned house so I can stuff my fuckin' face." I demanded, though Lucien didn't fuckin' move an inch.

"So? I'm still tellin' Mama about you hitting me."

"Yeah? Keep it up and you'll have no fuckin' equipment to make lil' bastards."

"And you'll go to jail." Lucien stated, my blood pressure increasing in my annoyance. I just wanted food! Was that too much to fuckin' ask?

"Is the food at least good in jail?" I asked, considering strangling this kid if he kept it up. Really, jail meant free fuckin' food everyday. Christmas everyday!

"I'm eight! How would I know?!" Lucien asked, mouth agape before shaking his head, "But…..there is a way you can make this go away."

"Do I gotta kill some fucker? Last time I had to hide a body I just propped him up and put a pair of sunglasses on him. No one know the fuckin' difference. He stayed there until he started to smell. Dumb asses." I remembered the incident. Good times. Mostly.

"Uhhh…..no. I was thinking of bringing you into school for parent's day!" The kid had a smile that looked like it would split his fuckin' face in half. No. That did not sit well with me.

"What? Hell no, kid. No fuckin' way."

"Huh? But why?" I saw his smile fall to a frown.

I rolled my eyes slightly, clicking my tongue, "What part of 'I hate fuckin' snot nosed lil' bastards.' do you not understand?"

"But you're talking to me! And Mama can't come that day…."

"No. Not my damn problem, kid." I replied, waiting for him to lead me back to whereever the hell he lived so I could eat.

"Then I'll tell Mama!"

I groaned. I just wanted food! How hard was that?

"Fine….fuckin' fine, ya lil' bastard." I groaned, Lucien bouncing around, wings flapping.

"Yay! You will be AWESOME!"

"Ya? How about you lead me to your house so I can eat for once?" I suggested, Lucien bounding off ahead of me, a faggoty skip to his stride.

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The smell of food made my mouth water as I practically barged through the door.

"Ohhhh, sweet baby Jesus! It's fuckin' Christmas, baby! Yeah!" I cheered upon seeing all the fuckin' food you could possibly want seemingly on one tiny table. Sure, I had no idea what half the stuff was, but I sure as hell was gonna try it.

"I thought you would come back. I see you found my boy." Talana replied, covering in flour and several ingredients from cooking I guess. Hell, I was lucky if I could put something in the microwave and it didn't catch on fire.

"Daaaamn. You make all this yourself, Cream Puff?" I asked, Lucien eagerly running inside and beginning to eat.

"Of course. I like to bake things. This house is connected to a bakery that I work out of. And own, obviously." She smiled slightly, as if prideful of the dump. Still, I would be prideful of the food.

"How was your day, Lucien?" Talana asked, Lucien looking up, snout covered with food.

"Good."

"Did you get bullied again?"

"...Yes, Mama." Lucien replied, shamed as Cream Puff sighed, shaking her head.

"Don't worry, Cream Puff. I'll turn your daughter into a man."

"What?"

"Nothing." I replied, going towards the food-and after trying to figure out how to eat-just smashed my face into what I thought was potatoes and gravy and stuffed my fuckin' face. That, kids, is how champs eat. Ooh-rah, motherfucker. Ooh-rah.

"Damn….I wish Scott and Yuri were here. Those sorry fuckers." I commented, realizing this was the first time they weren't even with me. I wondered if they even knew I was dead?

"Are those your friends?" Talana asked, Lucien rising to the conversation.

"Joel doesn't have any friends 'cause he's a psychopath."

"Lucien, be nice!"

"Shut the fuck up, you lil' shit!...Either way, yes, they were my fuckin' friends. Now that I'm….I don't even know. They were good guys. Different, but good guys. Yuri was a huge fuckin' guy, like bigger than me. Had more muscle, but was smart too. He could always patch ya up. Now, I hate commies, but Yuri wasn't bad. Liked to joke around and had a knack with people. He could talk his way out of anything is he wanted to. Could be a real pussy, though. You'd think a bigger bastard like that would be all balls to the walls and shit, but he prefered to snipe and shit. He saved my ass quite a few times. He was a good man. A good fuckin' soldier. Too good, I think, like too good hearted. He felt bad for a lot of shit we did. Felt bad about who we killed. And me and Scott-we didn't give two shits. You had to do what you had to do. Scott was one shady motherfucker, always jumpy and a bit panicky. He was a lil' bastard, but knew a hell a lot about engineering and could use a knife to slash just 'bout any fucker up. He would always steal. I guess he's somethin' called a kleptomaniac. I guess they steal shit. He would steal my fuckin' good cigarettes. He was all into himself too. Still, they were my friends, and my brothers. My only real friends, anyway. The rest can fuck off and die."

"Oh...I'm sorry for your friends. Do you think they're alive?" Talana asked, and I heard Lucien muttered somethin' about him being right about me not having any friends. Fucker.

"Probably not. But, hey, everyone fuckin' dies. Just...less are like me, I guess." I answered, focusing on my food. By this time, I decided to eat for all three of us-regardless if it was impossible. Make me feel better.

"Way to go, Cream Puff. Good fuckin' food even if I didn't know what half of it was."

"Well, I'm glad you liked it. Now you owe me twenty four coins." Talana replied, smiling, causing me to laugh, "I'm serious."

"What? I owe you nothing." I stated, confused. She looked at me as if it was simple.

"Oh, yes you do. You owe me twenty four coins for every profanity that spilled from your mouth."

"What? Bitch, I ain't givin' shit to you. I have no fuckin' money!"

"Then I propose that you start working here tomorrow. And that's twenty seven now."

"I ain't in debt to you for twenty fuckin' seven piece of shit coins that ain't even real gold!"

"Twenty nine!"

"You know what? Fine. I'll take yer stupid job position just so you can shut up, okay lady? Damn." I replied, walking away in annoyance.

"Thirty. And you can start by cleaning the dishes." Cream Puff spoke, knowing she had me by the balls.

I groaned, biting my tongue to prevent me from cursing, "Sure thing, boss lady."

All I wanted was fuckin' food. And now look where I am. In debt.

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** Thank you for reading and supporting! If anyone has ideas for what should happen next in this misadventure I'm open for suggestions. :)  
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